Life and Stuff

Ever get that feeling that everyone is conspirirng against you? Take your body for example: during an autopsy isn't it said that if it isn't one thing that gets you it will be another?

Restructuring goiong on at work - I reckon I am going to lose out big time - and have already expressed some of my concerns in writing. At first I thought that everything should turn out to be ok, but now I'm not so sure. What I should really do, is to say enough is enough and go for a new job.

Solicitors are another pain of my life at the moment - for nearly a year now I have been rtying to sell a flat - and always seem to be waiting to hear from my solicitor - surely there must be some standards they must uphold. Driving me mad it is. The worse thing is that they are now costing me money - why should I have to pay for their ineptitude?

If it isn't one thing it will be another. I'm not happy!

Ever get that feeling that tic follows toc, and that time waits for no one? It's frightening. Not long ago ten years was a long time. Now it's no time at all. Where has it all gone? But, that's not the scary bit, it's: where's it all going?

I have tried to map my future - where will I go, what will I do over the next few years, hopefully decades. The big question is how long have I got. I've got another 28 years left to work. That means that the amount of money I can accumulate over the next 3 decades is limited. Retire early? The earlier I retire, the less money I will have until... well, I have no idea until when...

It'd be great to save every spare penny over the next three decades, then start to have some real fun. Now, the thing that springs to mind is that my mother died at 59! That means that I have more like two decades left. That's simply not enough time to do all I want to do. So, over this next decade I am going to have to decide whether to retire early and be poor, or retire late and be rich. At some point I will have to make decisions on which direction to take, and decide what I really want from life.

The good news - Over this last year or so, I have been slowly getting my life into order. I have taken control of my finances - I know where every penny goes, and have even taken steps to reduce my fixed expenses, like changing electricity supplier for example. I quit smoking. I quit drinking alcohol. I am gradually changing my diet. More vegetables. More fruit. No processed foods.

Takes time for things to change. It's like tic, toc, tic, toc...

Ever get that feeling that tic follows toc, and that time waits for no one? It's frightening. Not long ago ten years was a long time. Now it's no time at all. Where has it all gone? But, that's not the scary bit, it's: where's it all going?

Isn't life amazing? The longer it is the more you learn about it, the more you learn that there is to learn. I've always tried to understand why people do the things they do.

Why on earth would someone have an affair if they are married? The pleasure of it? Life is boring - anything has to be more interesting. What if you became pregnant? Had a baby, and still remained with your husband? What would become of that child?

If you ask people to rate what they think is more important, health, money and not being alone rate high. Here's what I think: it's all about me, what I want, what I'm getting, it's my pleasure in life. I don't want pain. I don't want to be poor. I don't want to be despised.

Relationships can be read like a book. It's quite funny I think. Just watch one of these afternoon programmes on TV. I cheated on my boyfriend/girlfriend will he/she forgive me?

I don't really know. There are far too many variables to understand any relationship.

I'm single, and will probably end up single. I love to flirt, and see where it takes me. But have never found anyone I would like to spend the rest of my life with.

My parents separated when I was about 10. Their lives were going in different directions, they said. What they didn't say was that they hated each other!

It'll be interesting to watch the cuckoo grow.

I've been forced to take this week off work, well not really forced, but I have to take my annual leave before the end of March or I can loose it.  Since my mother died nearly two years ago, I haven't really fancied taking any time off work.  I have learned how to fit everything I want to do around work, and use it as a rather convenient way of neglecting things I haven't wanted to do.

Yesterday I went to visit my grandparents.  The last time I went to see them was about November last year, and it felt really strange in that they haven't changed a bit.  When I saw them in November, they were both sitting on the sofa in front of the fire.  My grandmother not quite with it, she seemed to be stuffed full of pills to keep her calm and placid to deal with the dementia.  My grandfather, who suffered a stroke a few years ago, was still as bright and cheery as he's always been.  Yesterday it felt exactly the same.  My grandmother continuously leafed through the paper, my grandfather at one point asked her what she was reading, and she said the paper!

I've never been really good with social occasions.  I always was happy for my mother to take control of these family gatherings - suited me, but now it feels awkward and strange.  I just think it's strange how families interact with each other.  Since my mother passed away it all changed.  Only my sister seemed to be going through the same thing as me, although she has her family to take of, and who takes care of her, even though she doesn't see it that way.

For nearly ten years I kept a diary. I only wrote something in it when I had few moments to spare. Provides some really interesting reading today. Some of the stuff is good, some embarasing. It's been nearly 10 years now since I have kept a diary. So, here I am attempting to revive an old story.